Thursday, August 25, 2011

30 Things to Do Before the Hurricane

1.  Go to the store and get water

2.  Go to the store and get food that doesn't require refrigeration

3.  Put down the seven boxes of Cheezits and get some canned beans or soup or something because although you love Cheezits you'll be pissed if that's all you have to eat for a week.  Also, you'll be fat.

4.  Do the dishes that have been sitting in the sink because if the water goes out that'll be gross.

4a.  No, you can't wash dishes in floodwater.

4aa.  Stop saying stupid things.

5.  Take a shower because you gon' be stanky as it is if you can't take a shower for a week.

6.  On that note, get some extra deodorant.

7.  Put a towel under your door because your bedroom is in the basement of your apartment.

8.  Realize that you totally got the short end of the stick.

9.  Pick up things that are important off of the floor.

9a.  Especially all of the shoes you replaced after they got stolen pretty much exactly one year ago.

10.  Charge your computer and phone because if you're disconnected from the world you'll freak out.

10a.  So will your mother.

11.  Charge your camera too because if shit goes down you need to DOCUMENT YOUR SURVIVAL.

11a.  (And blog about it).

12.  Catch up on Internet television watching because you can read a book while the power is out, but you can't watch Hulu when your computer can't get plugged in.

13.  Get matches to light the gas stove if the power goes out.

13a.  Practice lighting gas stove so that you won't hurt yourself.

13b.  Make your roommate do it because no matter what, you'll probably hurt yourself.

14.  Take stock of all alcohol so that if the going gets tough, you have a way to entertain yourself.

15.  Find your wine opener.


17.  There it is!  I feel better now.

18.  Have some wine.  You deserve it.

19.  Mail the stuff you've been meaning to mail for weeks now because the postal service will probably be suspended soon.

20.  Take out the trash.  I'm not even really sure if the hurricane will affect you taking out the trash, but you've been meaning to do it for like a week now.

20a.  Get your act together, you're an adult now.

21.  Cancel plans for Saturday because there is no way you're going to Queens and then having the subway shut down on you only to be stranded in Queens.

22.  Think, on the bright side, if the subway is shut down I don't have to spend $104 on a new monthly MetroCard for a couple more days.

23.  Eat the food in your freezer.  Yes, finally an excuse to down that frozen burrito and gallon of ice cream you've felt too guilty to eat!

24.  Damn it, why is my bedroom in the basement???

25.  Sharpen up your live-Tweeting skills.

26.  Freak out a little.

27.  Calm down.  More wine.

28.  Do your hair.  You'll be really pissed if your hair dries wonky and then you can't redo it for like a week.

29.  Write a blog.

30.  Go to the bar with your friends because that's really the best answer to all of your problems.


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