Saturday, July 31, 2010


Oh lordy.  I think I'm in heaven.  I'm never leaving.

Love and please forward all mail to my new address,

Getting There, Day 2

After hours and hours of driving, we woke up, piled back in the car, and checked how long it would be until we arrived in sunny Holden Beach, North Carolina.

My Droid said 9 hours, 52 minutes.  I cried.  DROID DOES break my heart every once in awhile.  But then it told me I had a new Twitter notification, and we reconcicled.

You see the bags in the picture above?  No, they are not full of trash.  They are full of food.  You see, we Schiessls get very cranky without ample sustinence at all given moments.  And not just any sustinence... we want EXACTLY the kind of food that we want, no substitutions.  So we come prepared.

We have Panera bagels... cotton candy... fritos... barbeque chips (which remind me of Paris and which I began to massacre last night)... sour cream and onion chips... pretzels... granola bars... chocolate chips cookies... hostess cupcakes... and much more.  But what's my poison of choice??

Carrot sticks.  I effing love carrot sticks.  I cut up an entire bag yesterday and they now sit on my lap, mirroring my orange nails and teeth.  I think I might turn into a carrot stick by the end of this car trip, IF we ever make it.

(I'm losing faith. Send help.)

Nine hours and forty three minutes to go.

Love and carotin,

PS: Has anyone else seen that Mary-Kate & Ashley movie Getting There??  Title reference fo' sho'.  I was a big MK&A fan back in the day, and I totes own all of the movies (on VHS, for that matter).  Except for New York Minute... that sucked.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Fo'Schiessl Fest 2010

Hello and welcome to Fo'Schiessl Fest 2010. The event has officially started.

I will be taking you along to the first ever F'SF on this very blog that you have come to know and love.
My name is Courtney, and I will be acting in the role of "comic relief" for this trip.

The skeptical looking woman is my mother, who is hidden behind all of the stuff that wouldn't fit in the trunk.

The shades in the rearview mirror belong to my teenage brother Jonathan, who will look at me like the crazy person I am for the entire week, while secretly thinking I'm hilarious.

My father, not pictured, has allowed Teenage Brother to drive part of the way, which will likely result in muttering and arguing, which will definitely result in sarcastic comments from yours truly.

It is hour one of the double digit hour trip to North Carolina, and we have already needed to resecure a piece of the car.  Things can only go up from here.

Love and NOT the movie Road Trip,

10 Things You Learn from the TechDPi Summer Challenge

On Wednesday, July 28th, Amy and Courtney finally learned how to breathe again as the Travelers TechDPi Summer Challenge came to an end.  Not only did they completely rock it out and become promoted to co-CEO's of Travelers, they also learned a thing or two.

1) College kids make everything into a competition.  It was probably all that Wild and Crazy Kids we watched back in the day.

2) Real-world people make everything into a competition too.  Don't let them fool you.

3) Nobody likes to be the project manager during the project.  If they tell you they do, they're lying. 

4) Everybody likes to be the project manager after the project is finished.  If they tell you it doesn't matter to them, they're lying.

5) The man who created the concept of "Happy Hour" was definitely a project manager.

6) The chocolate stash that you keep in your drawer runs out a lot faster when you're three days away from a deadline.  But you deserved it, right?  Right?  Validate me please?

7) How to do this:

I swear this was my first try. I have superpowers.

8) Those "funny quirks" that your team members have aren't so funny by week two.  Or three.  Or eight.

9) When you're working on a live problem for a project, it's easy to develop severe dependencies on alcohol. And on Chinese food. Just ask Amy's local liquor store and Chinese take-out place. They gave her free extras for being a "valued customer" when we went there last week.

10) Vacations are really, really necessary.  Which is why we are (both!) leaving on one... tonight!! 

Love and the joys of being an intern,

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Who came up with this ad, man?

I was just trying to watch the baby episode of Bethenny Getting Married? when this rather disturbing Geico ad came on my screen.  I don't understand who thought this was an excellent idea.

The pig in this ad is so unnecessary.  They should have just stuck with the gecko.  Thank you, Geico, for preventing me from going to bed right now. 

I would rather blame my poor choices on insurance companies than admit that I have a problem with reality television.

Love and really creeped out,

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

VIP Tickets to John Mayer on Today (Subtitle: The Perks of Being a Former Intern)

Last week, my supervisor sent me an instant message because she was working from home.  It went a little something like this.

N: Courtney, can you...*something something something work related*
N: By the way, did you know that John Mayer is playing on the Today Show next Friday?
Courtney: *immediately turns on away message and gets on the Today Show website, ignoring relevant work message*

You see, having been a do-it-all intern at the Today Show in the fall, I worked many a concert, and I know that there are both indoor and outdoor concerts.  Indoor concerts can't have an audience because the studio is really small and really busy.  However, outdoor concerts are outside and therefore need an audience.  So, long story short, I signed up for fan passes, emailed my former boss and two former producers, and generally had a conniption until I got so many responses that I ended up with no less than eight passes to the John Mayer concert.

Did I ever tell you that I'm an overachiever?  Well, I am.

I drove down to New York last Thursday night, went to bed at 11, and exuberantly woke up at 3:15am to get to the city.  Joe, being a JMayer fan, but not being as crazy as me, was not as excited to wake up pre-dawn.  We drove to Rockefeller Plaza and got in the (longer than expected) VIP line.  I was very surprised that I was not the only VIP.

Just kidding.  But I'm a little bit serious.

Apparently JM's management had given out a ton of VIP passes the day before, which I didn't know about, so we only got there at 5am.  We're soooo lazy.

After getting loaded into the main pen and unsuccessfully trying to sneak into the usual VIP pen, it was time for the sound check.  I missed Steve Jordan and Melanie and Julie, but the man himself was there... John Mayer.

Side note: Did you know that last November, I worked on JMayer's segment when he was doing an in studio concert?  I filled out all the contracts and helped out on set... and I spent an hour getting up the nerve to talk to John.  It didn't help that NBC4 New York had shown clips of his sound check without his permission.  That wasn't so good.

But anyways, we totally have a connection.  He'll know about it one day.

I'm not a fangirl.  I just like to feel important.

This is what Johnny boy looked like when he emerged at 6:30, an hour and a half after I arrived.  You can tell that he was performing outside and not inside because he sprung for the collared shirt.  Or maybe that's what he was wearing the night before.  One can never tell.

There were a lot of crazies around us, including Middle-Aged Super Fan.  Let's call her... Marge. Marge seems like an appropriate name.  Marge was so excited to see JMayer that anytime anyone said anything at a higher-than-average decibel or shifted their weight in any way, she was all up on the situation.  Take, for example, the following scenario:

Courtney: "Joseph, this girl next to me is being a bee-otch.  Woooooooow."
Marge: "What??  WHAT??  DO YOU SEE ANYTHING???"  *Flails widly*

See the head with the sunglasses in the picture above?  Meet Marge.

Lots of people brought signs.  Marge was sure to yell "SIGN DOWN!!!!!" anytime someone raised one.  It was so courteous of her.

At a certain point between the sound check and the live performance, we got a little impatient.  It led to us becoming, shall we say... loopy??

Joe started eating his VIP Pass.  I had to remind him that that wasn't socially acceptable.

"What?  This is a VIP Pass?  Then why are we so far back in the crowd??"
I don't know, man... I was asking the same thing.

We got some Today Show sunglasses.  What goes best with Today Show sunglasses??

...a duckface, that's what.

But we took a second to act normal before going back to our usual lunacy.

And then John reemerged, dressed in his Sunday best.  And by Sunday best, I mean the part of Sunday when you put on your plaid pants that don't touch the ground and go golfing.
PS: At this point, there was a crew member in the way of our perfect camera angle.  Marge was sure to yell at him to get out of the way for us.  Such a sweet lady.

When you've got a million screaming fans around you, you gotta make sure your earpiece is in place.  Or else it's off-key city.

You also gotta make really funny faces to really get the sound out.  That is what John Mayer taught me.

By the way, did you know Al Roker can fly?  He can.

"Please, ooh and ahh over me as I make sweet love to this microphone."
Don't worry, I did.  Joe got a little jealous.

GET IT, John Mayer.  GET IT GURRRLLLL!!!  I mean...  GUYYYYYY!!

After all that performing, fix that hair, man.  Check yo'self before you wreck yo'self.

Aw, man.  That's a nice face, JMayer.  Singing on the Today Show is hard work.

All in all, it was a little difficult for me to accept that I didn't work at the Today Show anymore.  And even more scary... it really made me want to work there again.

Has anybody seen my sanity??  I would like it back, please.

Thanks, John Mayer, for coming back to Today just for me, of course.  And thanks, Today Show, especially Courtney, Julie, Katie, and Nassdja, for gettin' me back there!!

Love and no I am not a fangirl (most of the time),

Monday, July 26, 2010

In Addition...

I just tried to go to my Twitter and typed in ""  I have a serious problem.

Send help,

The Shoe Game and Other Target Matters

Today Amy and I went to Zumba.  Then we went to Panera.  Then we went to Target.  Raise your hands if you're surprised.

Yeah.  I didn't think so.

Just to spice things up a little bit, and to make us feel like we're really cool (we're not) we played a little game that I like to call "The Shoe Game."

I shall explain.

The Shoe Game
Objective: Name the first thing that comes to mind when you see these shoes.
Unspoken objective: Be funny so I can blog about it and people will think I'm really cool.


A: "Dad."
C: "Man.  That is a man shoe.  That is a shoe that a man should be wearing."

A: "Zebra."
C: *Look of boredom*
A: "You SAID to say the first thing that came to your mind!"
C: *Walks away*

A: "Jazz."
C: "That was boring.  This was a dumb game."
A: "That's too bad, seeing as you thought of it."
C: "Thanks for rubbing it in."

C: "Omgomgomg look at these.  They are terrible."
A: "Ironic hipster."
C: "OH MAN!  That's a good one.  Hold up these shoes so I can take a picture."
A: "But I'm in gym clothes!"
C: "I don't take no for an answer."

(These are so hipster, I'll bet my roommate Andrea would love them.  She's a hipster.  It's also her birthday.  Happy birthday!  I got you these shoes.  And by I got you these shoes, I mean, I took this picture for you.  Like it???)

A: "I just saw these and I was going to say ugly.  So, uhhh...."
C: "Ugly.  Ugly is perfect.  These are so ugly."

A: "Gladiator."
C: "BIGFOOT!  These are humongous."
A: "Courtney, those are like, my size."
C: "NO THEY'RE NOT!  These are so effing big.  They're like, size fifteen."
A: "Are they a size ten?  I'm a size ten."
C: "Uhm... They're size eleven.  Size eleven going on fifteen."



In other Target matters...

I've spent, like 200 dollars at Target in the last month.  And no, I'm not exaggerating.  In fact, according to, I have spent more than 200 dollars at Target, but I refuse to accept that, so I will round down.

When I think of Target, I get into a "I must have it and I must have it RIGHT NOW" kind of mood.  Where, might you ask, do I get this from?

Here.  I will show you.

This girl.  This is where I get it from. 

For the record, it was NOT my idea to go to Target today.  It was hers.  And I agreed because I'm a pushover and I fold under peer pressure and we were at the mall anyways, so why not??

PS: Amy almost walked out of the store with those bangles on.  And then she told me that one time, she walked out of a JCPenney with a shirt on her arm and didn't realize, and mall security totally thought she was a raging kleptomaniac and detained her.  She got out of being arrested... but only by being fourteen and crying and having a lawyer father.  Corporate establishments don't like teenagers with lawyer fathers.

PPS: I hear that Amy is a kleptomaniac when in certain states of inebriation.  This statement has not been proven by my eyes.

PPPS: That dress that she is holding is a maternity dress because we tend to wander in there.  There is NO sign that warns you that you're entering maternity zone, so it's not our fault.  And yes, she bought it.  But it was an XS, which is really just a win.

And yes, I bought stuff too.  But I did NOT buy any of these:

Although I do have a headband that looks like that bracelet.  And it's awesome.

Until the next Target trip (aka, tomorrow)...

Love and empty wallets,

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

How is this possible?

This is an IPod shuffle. This actually PLAYS MUSIC! How is that possible??

PS, I love the Apple store.

If you haven't seen Inception yet...

...go see it.  Then try to wrap your head around it.  Then decide that you can't.  Then wake up the next morning and remember everything that was in the movie as you hit the snooze button.  Then freak out.  Then analyze the movie while you're in the shower.  Then talk about it with all of your coworkers all day.  Then have your boss ask you why none of your work is done.  Then tell them about Inception.  Then watch them understand completely.  And give you a promotion.  Just kidding about that last part.

But seriously, Inception is such a complex web of a mind-fuck that it's totally worth the $12 movie ticket and two and a half hours you spend watching it.  By the end of the movie, you'll totally believe that the concept of extraction and inception actually exists in real life.  And then you'll be super disappointed when you remember that it was just a movie... or was it???

And if you don't go for the super sick plotline, go for this guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know Leo is all Titanic-froze-in-the-ocean hot and stuff, but I'm talking about THIS guy:

This is Joseph Gordon-Levitt.  And I love him.  I've loved him since (500) Days of Summer.

Just look at his super-dorky/awkward adorableness.  Sure, his hair is all slicked back and a little weird in Inception, but the dork still comes through.  Dork-suave.  It exists.  And it manifests itself in Joseph Gordon-Levitt.  I just wish his name wasn't Arthur in the movie.  This isn't Knights of the Round Table, people.

Hey, JG-L.  I love you.  My name isn't a season, but will you marry me anyways?

That's what I thought.

Love and brain scramble,

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

"Presentable isn't even in my vocabulary."

This weekend was Amy's graduation party, which gave us an excuse for blowing off a lot of steam built up by our week at work.  The word "TechDP" wasn't uttered once.  Nor were the words "summer challenge."  It was a very happy weekend.

Because I'm the procrastinator of all procrastinators, I was an hour late to the party.  But it was okay only because I brought a gigantic platter of cupcakes with me, causing oohs and ahhs and "I'm going to massacre those cupcake" statements from my target cupcake audience: a bunch of slightly tipsy early twenty-something girls that will drop whatever they are doing at the promise of cupcakes, cake, candy, sugar, or all of the above.  Namely, a bunch of people exactly like me.

We made dragonberry-extra-dragon drinks with big girl juice and poured them into Solo cups for college-time's sake, and because Amy's friend Rachel knows me too well, or perhaps because I'm so ridiculous that everyone knows I love John Mayer within five minutes of meeting me, she labeled my cup "John Mayer <3s Courtney."  It's totally true, don't lie.

There was a slip-and-slide involved and Amy crushed my arm with her body, but I forgave her because we're the same person and it would just be wrong to not forgive yourself.  My cupcakes were massacred in five minutes, which I took as a compliment, and the day progressed into evening strangely quickly.  There was flip cup and pong and Apples to Apples, all three of which I was terrible at, and as the night wore on we started dropping one by one into bed.

My new fast friend Brittany and I decided that it would be an excellent idea to follow Amy as she walked one of our friends to his car, so we pretended like we were 007's, ducking behind trees and cars and bushes.  Our stealth succeeded when we snuck up behind Amy and scared her to no end, and after we got beer poured on ourselves, we found out just what a protective friend Jim was when he bravely texted Amy to find out if she was all right.  It's really good to know that he wouldn't have turned back and checked on her.  But then, what are friends for?

We sat on the porch in the dark, laughing and texting and being messes and eating a hunk of cake that emerged from Amy's fridge.  How big was this cake, you ask?

Oh yeah.  It was a lotta cake.

And to protect our friendship, I did not post the pictures of Amy eating said cake.  I totes would have posted them if she hadn't said, "I'll kill you if you post these."  I value my life very much.

After the post-party sleep-carb-sleep-chocolate-reality tv-sleep recovery period, I find myself back here.  At work.  Disheartened.  Alone.  Not really alone, because Amy is here and I'm at a workplace and everything.  But I have one thing to look forward to...

John Mayer on the Today Show on Friday.

I will be on TV, people.  I will.

Love and weekend longings,

Thursday, July 15, 2010

This Is What I'm Saying

Jim Shea probably reads minds for a living.  Because he definitely just read mine.

Heat Wave Means Disturbingly Skimpy Attire

Favorite line excerpt: "If this heat continues much longer does anyone doubt that long term we will see an entire generation of kids who have an irrational fear of Jell-O?"  Well said, Jim, well said.

Listen, I have enough problems with inappropriate clothing in the winter.  Leggings as pants?  Not acceptable.  It's just not.  All I'm saying is that there was an incident on a train platform involving mustard-yellow leggings and butt dimples.  You put together the mental image.

But in the SUMMER??  Tube tops... halter tops... short-shorts... string bikinis... a general lack of common fashion sense mixed with the however-much-way-too-high-percent of Americans who are overweight??  I just don't even want to leave my house!  Uhm, hello, woman walking down the street in front of me to the bus?  Just because they make short-shorts in your size doesn't mean you should wear them.  And I don't care how big or small you are, it is never okay to ditch the bra for the halter.  Whoever created the bra/tank top combo should be sent to Europe, where they don't care about these kinds of things.  HOLD THOSE SUCKERS UP!

I'm not saying that I haven't modified my wardrobe for this so-called heat wave called summer.  I broke my usual personal ban on wearing shorts of any kind to go to Target and immediately regretted it.  But I learn from my mistakes, America, and you should too.  You got some rolls?  That's okay!  But don't share 'em with me!

And PS:
To the woman standing in front of me at Zumba the other night... I have two suggestions for you: Sports bra.  Deodorant.  Trust me, it'll change your life... and it'll make my workout a lot less traumatizing.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

The Exercise Ball Saga: Part One

Amy and I have really great ideas most of the time.

No, seriously.  Last week, Amy suddenly got the idea that she wanted to get an exercise ball to sit on at her desk instead of our fancy ergnomically correct desk chairs.  Naturally, me having the I-want-to-be-a-cool-kid complex that I have due to the fact that I grew up being a nerd, I wanted one too.  And we didn't want to wait around for these exercise balls... we're all about instant gratification.

Amy: "You want me to pick you up an exercise ball at Target?"

Me: "Uhm well I think I'm going to Target anyway so I can just get one myself."

Amy: "Do you want to go to Target...together??"

We realize that a brilliant plan has started.

So that night we met up at Target and spent approximately eleven minutes picking out which exercise balls we wanted to buy.  The best part was that they were only NINE dollars!  The next morning, we were both way too enthusiastic to wake up at the crack of dawn and get to work to play with our new toys.

We quickly realized, however, that we had a serious problem:

Amy: "Uhh... this ball is looking sort of small.  Like, really small."

Me: "It's not even blown up yet!  WHERE IS YOUR POSITIVITY?!"

I slap Amy across the face to show her who's boss.

Amy continues to pump up her exercise ball, feeling wounded and alone.  I stand over her, triumphant.

(Just kidding about that last part).

Meanwhile, I start to pump up my exercise ball.  My pump, for some reason, squeaks like a dog's chew toy.  Sue in the cubicle across from me glares.  I ignore her.

Amy: "Maybe you should use Jay's pump so that you don't sound like a fool."

Me: "Sounding like a fool is my job.  But okay."

I switch pumps.  Jay's sounds like a squeaky toy too.  I wonder why things like this always happen to me.  Sue glares at me again.  I ignore her.

Back to the serious problem part:

Amy: "Courtney, this ball is like one foot tall.  This ball sucks."

The ball, indeed, is about one foot tall.  Amy sits on it.  She looks like a fool.

Me: "Well... I guess we need to go back to Target."

We begrudgingly and noisily deflated our exercise balls and packaged them back up.  Somehow, the ball does not fit into the package that it once came in.  (Why?  Why does that always happen??)  Still being fans of instant gratification, Amy and I made plans to go to Target during our lunch hour.  To the outside observer, the immediacy of this action might seem unnecessary.  To us, however...

It was dire.

At approximately 11:48am, we pulled up to Target and returned our exercise balls.  We were both disappointed when only nine dollars was refunded to us because we forgot how cheap the exercise balls were.  We each shed a single tear.  Then we spent approximately fourteen minutes picking out new exercise balls, which included sitting on yoga mats that we thought would adequately measure how high our new chairs would be.  Passerby stared at us.  We gave them the finger.

In the end, it came down to the choice between a MEDIUM sized ball and a LARGE sized ball.  The decision was difficult:

Amy: "I really don't know what to do."

Me: "We have a fifty-fifty chance.  Listen, I sat on that yoga mat and it seemed good to me."

Amy: "Yeah, and you looked like an idiot"

Me: "Here, I'll do it again right now."

Amy: "Stop it, you embarass me."

Me: "I go to therapy because of your criticism.  Why don't you accept me?"

Amy: "Deal with it."

Me: "Let's get the medium one."

Amy: "Okay.  Let's do it."

So we each grabbed a medium-sized exercise ball and headed for the checkout.  At the register, looks of tentative enthusiasm crossed our faces.  If we only knew what was to come...

To be continued...

Monday, July 12, 2010

LGBT & Ally Voices Heard: TODAY Opens Marriage Contest to Same-Sex Couples

When I was at TODAY, I got a lot of crazies on the phone at the front desk:

"Can you connect me to Ann Curry so I can ask her where she got her shoes?"

"Why can't I take a tour of your CLOSED studio?"

"I'm a wronged woman on the run from the police, can you help me?"

But I also got some calls that made a lot of sense:

"Why are you showing segment after segment on the White House crashers when Obama is sending tens of thousands of troops to Iraq today?"

Well, television news is a business, and the White House crashers are going to pull in ratings, is what I wanted to say.  But I also never got to tell those callers (and trust me, there were a lot of them) that I agreed with what they were saying.  So I was really glad when I read this article on USA Today (via

NBC changes rules to allow gay 'Today' wedding

NEW YORK (AP)- After a meeting with gay and lesbian activists on Thursday, NBC's "Today" show said it is changing the rules for its annual wedding contest to allow same-sex couples to apply for a ceremony conducted on morning TV...

NBC said it had listened to voicemails and read e-mails protesting its decision not to allow same-sex marriages. The show considers relations with the gay and lesbian community very important, it said in a statement.

While I'm sure that the pressure from GLAAD had a much larger effect on the execs at TODAY, it's good to see that the many people who send emails and call the show can have an impact.  So many times I forwarded viewers to the call line, wondering if their thoughts were ever actually heard by anyone, and I love that in this case, they made a difference.

I'm proud of you, NBC!  You GO girl for listening to your viewers and being a good example for the millions of people who watch TODAY in order to promote equality more and more each day!  Don't we all just have a case of the warm and fuzzies, now don't we?

Love and LOVE FOR ALL,

Sunday, July 11, 2010

I'm a Little Bit Unnecessary

This book.

I'm a little bit obsessed with it.

It all started when I had to go to the grocery store to get like two completely needed things, and Joseph said, "Let's go to Target even though it's further and the roads are all flooded and it will cause you to buy unnecessary items" and I was like, "Why?" and he was like "Because I want to look around."  But I thought that I'd be okay because I went to Target twice last week with Amy and all I bought was an exercise ball, a pair of hand weights, and a plaid shirt.  So I told myself, self control, self control, you can do it, you took a two-week trip to Europe and you're broke.

And then we pulled up to the Target.  And I knew I was in trouble.

This was, like, the most monstrous Target I've ever seen in my life.  It was the king of Targets.  So I said when we pulled in, okay, I'm going to buy a candy bar, and I won't feel guilty about it because I'm now prepared.  But then Joseph said, "I want to look at the multimedia section."  So I relented and we walked over.  But there were books on the way to the multimedia section.  And not... just... books...


Lots of them.

And I opened the cover of Hello, Cupcake!

You see, I had heard of this book from both the Paula Deen show and my internship at the TODAY Show, but I wasn't a victim of it's unparalleled magnetism until I opened the cover.  It shows you how to make LITTLE PEAS AND CARROTS!  GOLDFISH BOWLS!  KITTIES AND DOGGIES!  I can't handle any of it.

After over-enthusiastically showing Joe almost every page in the book he looked at me and said, "WELL, JUST GET IT ALREADY!"  And I said, "Noooo, it's fifteen dollars and so unnecessary!"  And he grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me until I agreed to get it.  Then I went to the chiropractor.

Just kidding.  But he did say to me, "Nobody should like something that much and not get it."  Which really makes perfect sense, right?

So fifty dollars later, we left Target and I neglected Joe all night because I was looking at all of the cupcake pictures and now I want to make cupcakes every day of my life.

Someone please stage an intervention because...



There's a sequel.

Love and SOS,

Friday, July 9, 2010

World Cup Reporting at its Finest

Apparently the Germans have a secret weapon when it comes to betting on World Cup wins: an octopus.  When I read this headline, I saw "Octopus Paul" and I felt really bad for whatever poor guy had done something to earn the nickname "octopus."  Uhm, no.  That would be an actual octopus that is stirring up fans from around the world to write both love letters and death threats to his home... er, tank.

You see, for every World Cup game (and the European Championship games in 2008), Paul's caretakers place him in a tank with two small tanks with mussels inside, decorated for the two teams in the respective match.  In this case, Paul definitively decided his choice, making a beeline for the Spain tank without even a glance towards the Holland tank.

This harsh lack of any consideration for the underdogs in Holland has undoubtedly angered some football-soccer fans.  Acquarium manager Stefan Porwoll was quoted as saying, "I even told our guards and people at the entrance to keep a close look at possible for football fans coming after Paul for revenge."  Wanting to protect his country's avid supporter, Spanish Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero offered to help: "I am concerned about the octopus," he said. "I'm thinking about sending in a team to protect the octopus because obviously it was very spectacular that he should get Spain's victory right from there."

But you better place your bets now - according to the article, Paul is already over the hill.  At age 2 1/2, he's getting close to the supposed normal life expectancy of an octopus in captivity: 3 to 4 years.  Some will undoubtedly hope that Paul goes out on a high note, correctly predicting a win for Spain in the finals and going down in octopus-soccer-predicting history.

Me, on the other hand?  An octopus is an octopus.  HUP HUP HOLLAND!

Love and unexpected amuzement,

The reporting in this article actually is an excellent balance on the edge of "serious" reporting and sarcasm.  Check it out at NBC Sports.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Early Morning Torture and a WTF-worthy Ad

This week I instituted the newest phase of detox, which I have named the "no excuses plan."  No excuses.  None.  I have my Google calendar all set up and to-do items scheduled in so that I will know beforehand whether I will be able to get to the gym or not and plan accordingly.  This comes as a result from my fourth of July weekend two-day lazy depression in which I got mad at myself for not exercising for five days and then ate a brownie to console myself.  Repeat cycle.

So what did this mean for me this morning?  This meant that I had to drag my lazy butt out of bed at 4:45am because I am bound to the time that my father decides is time to get to work (that would be a 7:30am arrival, FYI), and it was dark and the moon was still out but I drove to good-ol' torture center Gold's Gym, entered the doors at 5:01 and worked out right then and there. 

Is it weird that I like the way the gym smells, like rubber and all that?  It's not?  Good, thanks.

And you know, getting out of bed this morning was even more difficult because I went to see Eclipse last night and while it wasn't a late showing, I'm having a hard time accepting that I can't blame seeing these movies on my friends anymore because I honestly enjoyed this one.  I'm sorry; I've betrayed my own good sense.  But when they started showing Jacob - I mean Taylor Lautner, because of course I wouldn't refer to a fictional character by name - and his super ripped like twelve-pack abs in movie #2, I knew that I was in trouble.  Because this wonderful obscene spectacle of ab just continued in the movie last night, I put the nail in my coffin and now I have to go spend like $24 seeing both Breaking Dawn movies that are going to come out because I love Jacob TAYLOR and I apologize and now I will stop.

But really, it was very difficult.

Okay, now I'm really done.  So, anyways, when I realized that I would have to go to the gym today at such a godforsaken early time, I thought about this article that I read a couple of weeks ago about eating vs. not eating before a workout.  In the past, I've always grabbed a granola bar or something before doing a morning run because I don't want to pass out, or worse, look like a huge fool while I'm running.  But the article, which is in the Huffington Post, says that studies have shown that skipping breakfast before a workout can help you burn more fat.  Burn more fat??  Who would ever want to do that??  However, some experts say that while fasting before working out may burn more fat, you still won't have the energy you need to complete your workout at a high intensity.  That's what I had always been concerned about, which is why I elected to eat pre-run.  Maybe this other idea was worth a shot, though.

I tried the whole fasting-before-running thing this morning, and it actually wasn't too bad.  The workout was definitely harder, but hey, I don't want my body to get too used to my workouts!  I completed my goal of 30+ minutes of cardio and some strength training, so I'd say that skipping the granola bar was worth it - once in awhile.  We'll see if two pre-work workouts are pushing it on Friday; this whole getting up at 4:45 thing is really no bueno for me.

But ON ANOTHER NOTE, when I was looking at the Huffington Post no breakfast article, I saw a photo ad that made me stop and say, what the f***?!?  Listen, I know that American Apparel is all cutting-edge and hipster and stuff, but just look at the model in this ad.  It's just weird.

What is that??  WHAT IS THAT???  It looks like this girl is growing an appendage from her abdomen.  I'm sorry, but last time I checked, your ribs were supposed to be INSIDE YOUR BODY.  Like, NOT PROTRUDING FROM YOUR STOMACH.  She seems to be having a grand old time wearing this lace bodysuit thing, but it looks like American Apparel cracked her in half to take this picture.  This is where the term "broken doll" came from.

Moral of the story: If your protruding ribs are bigger than your boobs, you're allowed to wear this outfit.  You should also probably eat before your 5am workouts because YOU DON'T NEED TO LOSE ANY MORE BODY FAT!

Love and Jacob's abs, I AM NOT A TWILIGHT FAN

Monday, July 5, 2010


Listen, I know that I'm a huge blog slacker. I am also a huge gym slacker, and I am definitely a huge clean-my-room slacker. But I swear that all of this is mostly not my fault, and I will try to be better about all three this week, especially since I have a lot to say!

So for now I will just leave you with this... it is my mother's birthday today and I made this delicious cake for her. It is a Hershey's chocolate cake with homemade vanilla frosting, yum yum. This is not part of detox... but it's her birthday, what can I do??? :)

Love and powdered sugar in my hair,