Thursday, July 15, 2010

This Is What I'm Saying

Jim Shea probably reads minds for a living.  Because he definitely just read mine.

Heat Wave Means Disturbingly Skimpy Attire

Favorite line excerpt: "If this heat continues much longer does anyone doubt that long term we will see an entire generation of kids who have an irrational fear of Jell-O?"  Well said, Jim, well said.

Listen, I have enough problems with inappropriate clothing in the winter.  Leggings as pants?  Not acceptable.  It's just not.  All I'm saying is that there was an incident on a train platform involving mustard-yellow leggings and butt dimples.  You put together the mental image.

But in the SUMMER??  Tube tops... halter tops... short-shorts... string bikinis... a general lack of common fashion sense mixed with the however-much-way-too-high-percent of Americans who are overweight??  I just don't even want to leave my house!  Uhm, hello, woman walking down the street in front of me to the bus?  Just because they make short-shorts in your size doesn't mean you should wear them.  And I don't care how big or small you are, it is never okay to ditch the bra for the halter.  Whoever created the bra/tank top combo should be sent to Europe, where they don't care about these kinds of things.  HOLD THOSE SUCKERS UP!

I'm not saying that I haven't modified my wardrobe for this so-called heat wave called summer.  I broke my usual personal ban on wearing shorts of any kind to go to Target and immediately regretted it.  But I learn from my mistakes, America, and you should too.  You got some rolls?  That's okay!  But don't share 'em with me!

And PS:
To the woman standing in front of me at Zumba the other night... I have two suggestions for you: Sports bra.  Deodorant.  Trust me, it'll change your life... and it'll make my workout a lot less traumatizing.

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