Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Early Morning Torture and a WTF-worthy Ad

This week I instituted the newest phase of detox, which I have named the "no excuses plan."  No excuses.  None.  I have my Google calendar all set up and to-do items scheduled in so that I will know beforehand whether I will be able to get to the gym or not and plan accordingly.  This comes as a result from my fourth of July weekend two-day lazy depression in which I got mad at myself for not exercising for five days and then ate a brownie to console myself.  Repeat cycle.

So what did this mean for me this morning?  This meant that I had to drag my lazy butt out of bed at 4:45am because I am bound to the time that my father decides is time to get to work (that would be a 7:30am arrival, FYI), and it was dark and the moon was still out but I drove to good-ol' torture center Gold's Gym, entered the doors at 5:01 and worked out right then and there. 

Is it weird that I like the way the gym smells, like rubber and all that?  It's not?  Good, thanks.

And you know, getting out of bed this morning was even more difficult because I went to see Eclipse last night and while it wasn't a late showing, I'm having a hard time accepting that I can't blame seeing these movies on my friends anymore because I honestly enjoyed this one.  I'm sorry; I've betrayed my own good sense.  But when they started showing Jacob - I mean Taylor Lautner, because of course I wouldn't refer to a fictional character by name - and his super ripped like twelve-pack abs in movie #2, I knew that I was in trouble.  Because this wonderful obscene spectacle of ab just continued in the movie last night, I put the nail in my coffin and now I have to go spend like $24 seeing both Breaking Dawn movies that are going to come out because I love Jacob TAYLOR and I apologize and now I will stop.

But really, it was very difficult.

Okay, now I'm really done.  So, anyways, when I realized that I would have to go to the gym today at such a godforsaken early time, I thought about this article that I read a couple of weeks ago about eating vs. not eating before a workout.  In the past, I've always grabbed a granola bar or something before doing a morning run because I don't want to pass out, or worse, look like a huge fool while I'm running.  But the article, which is in the Huffington Post, says that studies have shown that skipping breakfast before a workout can help you burn more fat.  Burn more fat??  Who would ever want to do that??  However, some experts say that while fasting before working out may burn more fat, you still won't have the energy you need to complete your workout at a high intensity.  That's what I had always been concerned about, which is why I elected to eat pre-run.  Maybe this other idea was worth a shot, though.

I tried the whole fasting-before-running thing this morning, and it actually wasn't too bad.  The workout was definitely harder, but hey, I don't want my body to get too used to my workouts!  I completed my goal of 30+ minutes of cardio and some strength training, so I'd say that skipping the granola bar was worth it - once in awhile.  We'll see if two pre-work workouts are pushing it on Friday; this whole getting up at 4:45 thing is really no bueno for me.

But ON ANOTHER NOTE, when I was looking at the Huffington Post no breakfast article, I saw a photo ad that made me stop and say, what the f***?!?  Listen, I know that American Apparel is all cutting-edge and hipster and stuff, but just look at the model in this ad.  It's just weird.

What is that??  WHAT IS THAT???  It looks like this girl is growing an appendage from her abdomen.  I'm sorry, but last time I checked, your ribs were supposed to be INSIDE YOUR BODY.  Like, NOT PROTRUDING FROM YOUR STOMACH.  She seems to be having a grand old time wearing this lace bodysuit thing, but it looks like American Apparel cracked her in half to take this picture.  This is where the term "broken doll" came from.

Moral of the story: If your protruding ribs are bigger than your boobs, you're allowed to wear this outfit.  You should also probably eat before your 5am workouts because YOU DON'T NEED TO LOSE ANY MORE BODY FAT!

Love and Jacob's abs, I AM NOT A TWILIGHT FAN

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